I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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