Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
