How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
