she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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