is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
