I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can I color on your dick again?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
