Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
