i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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