Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
