Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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