You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
