Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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