If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
