The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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