I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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