I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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