evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
