I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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