so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
