Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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