Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
