someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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