He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
