Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
