Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
