its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you traded sex for a burrito?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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