There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
