saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
