I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
