no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
