i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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