i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
