Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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