I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
