we made out on top of his cat.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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