I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
