True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
