Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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