The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
