Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
