as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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