Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize