i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
