Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
