Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can text with my tongue
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
