Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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