I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize