Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
