Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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