Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
