all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
