They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
