I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
