I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
