he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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