You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
