her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
