Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
