You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
