i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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