Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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