What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
