Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
