btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
