Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
