I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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