Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
