i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
